


When To Care

by Sphenimersus



Series: Ideas From A Quote (Adam Lambert/???) [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF, Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Coma, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sad, Suicide Attempt, based on a quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sphenimersus/pseuds/Sphenimersus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy loves Adam, but Adam loves Sauli. What can he do when Sauli loves Adam as well?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When To Care

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the people are how I imagine them and this is completely fictional.
> 
> Enjoy reading!

Tommy smiles. They were out drinking, and now, they’re entering Adam’s home. Tommy’s glad that his best friend has always been a caretaker. Adam always has a guest bedroom available. But it’s a double-edged sword. Recently, whenever he’s out drinking with Adam, he only drinks a bit and acts as if he’s extremely drunk. Just to get in to Adam’s personal space. But now, Sauli is in Adam’s life, so Tommy gets completely wasted this night

Adam hauls Tommy to the guest bed and huffs, “God, he’s dead drunk. I’m sorry Sauli, I wanted this night to be special, but Tommy just got dumped.”

Sauli shrugs, “It’s fine. He’s your best buddy. Plus, we can still do some stuff.

Despite having shit-ton of alcohol in his system, Tommy can still process some words. Immediately, he feels a pang of guilt. His “just got dumped” was actually 3 months ago. He’s kind of been lying to Adam, but what can they do about it? He’s actually been dating some girls in between. Well, one-night stands rather. In fact, he had a few hook-ups with guys sometime in between… that didn't get past 9:00pm. Anyways, just because he is in love with Adam fucking Lambert, it doesn't mean he can ruin Adam’s love life. Tommy’s sure that Adam has sexual needs just like he does. Also, Sauli is such a nice guy; he lets his boyfriend kiss Tommy. There’s no reason for Tommy to barge into their scorching hot romance.

A voice interrupts his thoughts. “Tommy? Tommy? Will you be okay alone?” Adam asks even though he thinks Tommy’s too far gone to understand.

Tommy grunts and waves, or rather, flail his hands.

“Good night Tommy Joe.”

Snores emerge from Tommy as an answer.

~Morning~

Tommy groans when he wakes to light blinding his eyes. “What time is it?” he mutters and rolls over the bed searching for the clock. A blinking red of 7:32 am meets his eyes. “The fuck?! Why the hell am I awake?! And where the hell am I?!” Fragments of memories from last night return. “Oh, shit. I should get out of their hair.” He trudges to the guest bathroom after he stumbled off the bed. Tommy looks at his reflection. “I look like fucking hell.” He makes coffee while he strips. The he takes a shower, dries off, and applies his make-up. Mentally, he thanks Adam for keeping a coffee maker and his favorite make-up brands in the guest room. He sips his coffee relishing in the flavor and sighs in delight. Finished with his beverage, he thanks Adam again for letting him keep some of his clothes here. Black shirt. Black skinny jeans. Red lace gloves. And his regular shoes. _Perfect,_ he thinks.

Now it’s 8:30 am. _Adam should be awake by now_. Tommy exit his room and searches for Adam. They’re not down stairs, so he heads upstairs to check if Adam’s still sleeping. When Tommy is about to knock on Adam’s bedroom door, he hears Adam groan. “Yes baby, just like that. So good for me.” And the Sauli screams out his name, “Adam!”

Tommy stops were he’s standing. _Th-they’re ha-having…_ sex… _right now._ Tommy’s heart shatters; it falls apart immediately. Before, it was a slow process of breaking – it was bearable. But now, he feels empty. He feels utterly _nothing._

He knows they’re together, but hearing them having _sex_ is too much. He momentarily hyperventilates. Stops. And then blindly stumbles down the stairs, back to the guest bedroom with tears in his eyes.

He sits on the bed for what feels like years. He stands up, and searches for a sharp object. Scissors, a knife, anything. When he finds a pair of scissors, he places it on the bed. Then he looks for a notepad and pencil or pen. He scrawls his feelings on to it – tears rolling down his cheeks falling on the paper.

He doesn’t want to stain anything that belongs to Adam, so he takes out all of his clothes that are kept in the house and dumps them on to the marble flooring of the bathroom. He goes back for the pair of scissors and for the piece of paper. Tommy plops on to the pile of clothes and places the note next to him.

Bringing down the blade, he hesitates for a moment. He shakes his head and cries harder. _I have to do this. I have to get rid of the pain._ The blade cuts through his flesh after he puts more pressure on the area.

That’s when Adam walks in, “Rise and shine Glitterbaby! It’s eleven-o’clo –“ Adam gasps at the scene in front of him. “Tommy Joe!”

Tommy looks up weakly and gently smiles. _How cruel,_ he thinks, _even my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s a dream, so I can say this_. “I love you … Adam…” he breathes and cuts deeper and deeper and deeper. The blood flows out smoothly; it seeps out, and it’s nothing like how movies show it – where it’s a bloody mess and everything just spurts out. Tommy tries to giggle at the thought but nothing comes out. He breathes out again and whispers, “I love you…”

“Sauli! Go call the ambulance!” Adam screams. “Tommy Joe cut himself! Sauli scrambles for the phone calling 911. He tells the other side their address and the few details of what he knows what happened.

Adam sees the blood flowing out. _There’s so much!_ He searches for something to wrap around it – to stop the bleeding. His mind racing, unable to process anything. His eyes are glued to the wound for a long time before he finally spots the clothes lying on the ground. By then, the blood has mostly dried up, but he wraps the cloth around the arm anyways. He sees the note off to the side and stuffs it in his pocket.

Adam carries Tommy out with Sauli following from behind. Another 5 minutes pass, and the ambulance finally arrives. They rush to the hospital while Sauli tries to calm Adam. At long last, they’re at the hospital, and Tommy is taken to the emergency room. Hours pass before Tommy is allowed any visitors. The doctor speaks to Adam and Sauli, asking for the details of the situation. Adam tells him all he knows, which is only how Tommy sliced open his flesh.

The doctor nods as Adam speaks. He then tells Adam two things. “Mr. Lambert, there are two things that you need to know: one’s good and the other’s bad. Which one would you like to hear?”

Adam can’t respond. All he hears is “bad news”, so Sauli answers for him. “The good news first please doctor.” Sauli squeezes Adam’s hands reassuringly.

“Okay,” the doctor says. “First, Mr. Ratliff is still alive …”

Adam and Sauli sighs in relief. _Thank God,_ they think.

“… but…”

They stiffen at the dreaded “but”.

“…he’s in a coma, and we don’t know how long he’ll be out like that,” the doctor completes his review. “I’ll leave you now, so you can visit Mr. Ratliff.”

Adam shudders. Sauli is already crying. They go to Tommy’s room. As soon as they’re in the privacy of the ward, Adam sobs. Sauli leaves Adam in the room, sensing that his boyfriend needed some privacy.

Adam remembers the message left beside Tommy; he takes it out of his pocket and reads the words. Most of it is scratched out or stained with tears.

Dear Adam,

            I ~ you so m–h. I ca~t take the p–n anymore. My w~nds are too deep now. I -------- d. I’m g~ng t~ s~y g~dbye n~w.

Love,

Tommy Joe

_Why didn’t I notice earlier! All the signs were there._ Adam thinks. He reads the rest of the note:

P.S. Did you know I read a quote once on Twitter? It said, “Everybody starts caring when it’s too late.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself because it’s true. I acknowledged that I wanted you when you weren’t available.

Adam sees the words at the end, but it doesn't process in his brain. The moment he reads the quote, his breath hitches, and he thinks. _He’s right. I noticed all the signs. I just didn’t care for them. Why didn’t I act upon them?! Why am I so stupid?!_

**Author's Note:**

> Quote:  
> "Everybody starts caring when it's too late." ~@LawsOfSex
> 
> BTW for those who want to know what the note said, it said:
> 
> I love you so much. I can't take the pain anymore. My wounds are too deep now. I want you, but it feels like a need. I’m going to say goodbye now.
> 
> \---
> 
> Yay! Done with this fic. My first fic on this fandom and pairing. This was kinda scary to write since I have a bunch of quotes, got my friend to choose one of them, and then I wrote this. I really don't like myself at the moment for creating such pain upon these characters. 
> 
> Anyways, please comment below if you would like an alternate ending for this fic. Or if you want a series for this.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
